Keeping In Touch

...the joy in what I do

At right is a picture taken on July 4, 2008 just minutes after the ceremony for Sean & Katie. This thoughtful couple sent me a card this week near the first anniversary, just to say hello and tell me a little of how married life has been the first year.

I absolutely love getting these notes from my couples. Makes it more than worth the effort put into every wedding.

You can't tell from the picture but we were all soaking wet with perspiration as the temperature that day at the Dallas Arboretum was in the 90's. At least there was shade to stand in and plenty of bottled water to go around.

I love what I do.

Blessings,

Ken

The Fathers In My Life

...they're also "daddies"!

We've all seen the greeting cards that say "Any man can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a daddy". That pretty much sums up the fathers in my life.

My two sons, Adam and Ian, make me proud when I see the way they've "manned up" to take care of home and family. Adam and Heather have two sons, Aidan and Alexander. Ian and Alyssa have one son, Liam, with another boy on the way by November.

Then there's one of the most amazing men in the world: my own father. He & mom raised three kids, got all three of us through college, and they shared more than 50 years together before mom's death in 1998. He now lives an active life at his home on the shores of Willow Lake in rural Van Zandt County.

Dad planned well for his retirement, and I don't just mean the financial aspect. He thought about what activities would suit him and how he'd spend his time. He also took good care of himself, and at almost 85 years old he can work rings around me when I go to the lake to help out.

The picture is, I think, Dad's high school picture, or maybe just before he went into the Army in the mid-1940's.

Losing his spouse in 1998 was a definite unplanned setback, but he's adjusted well and has done things he probably wouldn't have learned otherwise, such as how to use a computer, send email, program his flat screen tv, and even use a TIVO! Previously, his old VHS player just flashed "12:00" all the time.

Happy father's day, dad. I love you.

Blessings,

Ken

Mother's Day

...me and Mom in the kitchen

In the spring of 2006 the Fort Worth Star-Telegram invited readers to submit their favorite memories of "mom", with the promise to publish their picks on Mother's Day. I submitted the story below and the editors chose it for publication. I'm proud of that, not because they published something I wrote, but because they allowed me to honor my mother. Here's my favorite memory of her:

"Even though I didn’t think it great at the time, my mom taught me to cook—and clean, and iron, and wash clothes (neatly separated by colors, of course)—and handle all the other chores one needs to know to run a household. As far as the ironing goes, I managed to keep that a secret from my bride, at least until mom came for her first visit and spilled the news. The fact that I could operate a sewing machine, mend pants and sew on buttons remained hidden until the wife and I had been married a few years. She still distrusts me over that issue.

Learning to cook was fun because mom made it so. Even Sunday dinners after church took on a festive atmosphere for me and my two sisters, and that was only due to our mother’s efforts to turn mundane ingredients into a feast. Then we’d sit around the table, stuffing our faces as we offered critique on the preacher’s sermon that day and laugh about how he seemed to dredge up the same illustrations several times a year. One of those stories involved a little girl in an orphanage surrounded by an iron fence. Having few friends and no one to play with, she would write notes and slip them through the iron bars or hang them from a tree limb bordering the property. Most of those notes went unnoticed, or just blew away, but one day a passing gentleman picked up the note while out on a walk and was touched by the sentiment he read, written by a lonely child just reaching out to someone, anyone. It said, 'Whoever reads this, I love you'. That touching, yet amusing story came to be a running joke in our family, and we’d occasionally put those six words at the bottom of letters, grocery lists, post cards, etc.

The years came and went; I headed off to college as did my sisters. While in college, I realized the value of what mom had taught us about handling household chores. Her lessons served me well, and even later on I realized that I could use my culinary skills to impress the ladies. Yes, indeed, mom knew what she was doing! To this day, my wife still loves it when I cook for her; it’s one of those little things that say 'I love you' without having to utter a word.

As our children grew up, we made sure they learned those same lessons and as our sons got to high school age, the four of us took delight in cooking for my parents, sometimes even going to the extremes of packing up food and utensils, making the hour drive to their home and preparing a meal for them. It was on one of those trips that I left my favorite apron behind, and this wasn’t just any apron. It was custom made to my specifications by my sweet wife and was even stenciled with my name on it. Great apron, too. Has two pockets, adjustable neck strap, multiple loops for holding towels, and is, in short, the perfect apron. No worries, though, as I knew I’d retrieve it on our next trip to East Texas to see mom and dad.

Unfortunately, things didn’t turn out that way, as in mid March of 1998 while being treated for pneumonia, mom went into cardiac arrest. After being in a coma for two days, she passed peacefully out of this life and into eternity. Some weeks after the funeral, as I was helping dad go through things so he could reorganize his house—and his life—I came across my apron. It had been washed and was neatly folded so I put it into the stack of things my wife and I would take home. Helping dad do this task was a sad duty, but he truly needed help as he was not accustomed to surviving without his love and best friend of 53 years.

A couple of weeks later, I was preparing to spend a Saturday afternoon cooking up some Cajun dishes for dinner. Our whole family (including mom and dad) always enjoyed my fare from southern Looseeanna and we’re all fans of the late humorist and Cajun Chef Justin Wilson. As I began the slicing and dicing, my dear wife reminded me that I needed my favorite apron and she went to retrieve it from its normal place, hanging on a hook in the pantry. Slipping it over my head and tying the sash, I felt totally prepared to feed the masses, or at least our family of four. Stepping towards the sink, and reaching my hand into one of the apron pockets, I pulled out a folded piece of paper. Upon straightening out the note-sized page, I recognized my mother’s handwriting on one of her monogrammed notes. Through increasingly blurry eyes, I read the words, “Whoever reads this, I love you”.

It’s been eight years since I found that note and it remains in the left pocket of that apron. Sure, I look at it occasionally, but now instead of making me teary eyed, it puts a smile on my face as I realize the favor mom did me not only by making me learn to cook but in taking those kitchen opportunities to enrich our family memories. That little slip of paper now has various food stains on it and has started to yellow but that’s okay. I’ll pass it, and the apron, on to my two sons. Maybe I’ll write my own note to go with it. "

Happy Mother's Day, Mom. I miss you.

Blessings,

Ken

Wedding Ring- Outward & Visible Sign

...of an inward and invisible bond.

The wedding ring is only a symbol of the promise we spoke on August 23, 1969--the outward and visible sign of an inward and invisible love that binds us together. I know that to be true in my rational brain, and often say those words to couples. Tonight, however, I'm giving those words a lot of thought, just as I'm thinking about my own outward symbol.

I'm sad tonight because the ring had to be cut off of my finger.

Only once in almost 40 years has my wedding band been off my finger, and that was for a medical procedure. However, tonight we had to cut the ring off my finger due to a fall last week that injured my left hand, causing two fingers to swell. The finger isn't broken but the pain caused by swelling around the ring finally got too intense and the cutting was necessary.

At the moment I can't get to sleep as I contemplate how to adjust these next few days without something that is so important to me. My wife is supportive and concerned--oh, alright, she fusses over me like the good wife and nurse that she is. Most men hate this and I profess to dislike being fussed over, but in my heart I know that it's her concern for my physical well being. After all, she's the one with the five year B.S. in Nursing from UT Austin, graduate work at TWU and having taught nursing at the Brackenridge School of Nursing in Austin. I have to respect that. Not having the ring on my finger certainly doesn't cause her concern for the well-being of our marriage. That's taken care of in the "inward and invisible love" part.

Here's a thought: once my hand is healed, swelling down and we have the ring repaired, maybe we'll have a vow renewal ceremony and take our love where we took it 40 years ago--to the altar of God's love.

Blessings,

Ken

btw, my camera doesn't take good close ups, so the image is a little blurry, not to mention having my hand packed in ice made me a little shaky.

Faith and Courage

...taking risks and trusting God for the outcome

Since Friday afternoon I've had a permanent grin on my face owing to the phone call from our son in Albuquerque. "Dad, Alyssa's pregnant and we've got a heartbeat!" This means another grandbaby on the way:) It also means there will be a heap of praying the next few months.

In late 2007, Ian and Lyss lost a little girl, Sydney Grace, who was born into Jesus' arms on November 30, 2007. Then one year later, they lost another to an early term miscarriage. All of this has been chronicled on the blog "Sydney's Grace".

I cannot possibly imagine the faith and courage it took on their part to decide to try again. Could you? Knowing all the statistics, knowing the health issues Lyss faces, knowing how it might affect all of their lives--knowing all that and more and they decided to trust God to make this decision for them.

As a husband and father, I've seen plenty of health issues in our family. I've been there with Donna through numerous surgeries, cancer, on-going problems with arthritis and other issues. I thought I was pretty tough when it came to those things, but my son is carrying a weight that would cripple most men. In my eyes, he is a giant--and no, not because he's seven inches taller than I am, but because he's a spiritual giant, a good father and a good husband.

The latest lab tests are good and they've got a heartbeat. Our faith is strong, but I confess that it'll be hard to take a deep breath in between Lyssa's doctor visits.

By the way, I threw in the pictures just so you can see the fine looking branch of the family in Albuquerque.

Blessings,
Ken

p.s. Still can't get this huge grin off my face.

Seems Like Yesterday

...except it was 34 years ago

After a trip to see the doctor, we were back home working in the yard. Planting flowers in the back yard as I recall. Then we got the phone call from the doctor's office--test results were serious, we should go to the hospital and the doctor would meet us there. I think we got checked in around 5:30pm on April 2. In the next couple of hours I would learn more about pre-eclampsia than I ever wanted to know.

Happily, the situation stabilized, and after the c-section, we welcomed Adam Christopher into the world around 7:30am on April 3. What a day! This was before the world of cellphones and instant communication so the rest of the family got notified from the payphone in the lobby. Can't remember how many quarters I used or how many collect calls I made.

Even though Donna and I had been married almost six years at this time, it seems as though that's when our lives started. A family. A first born son. And now that both of our sons have sons, I know they understand this feeling.

Happy birthday, Adam. I love you.

Blessings,

Dad

btw, the black & white pic is one of my favorites and the beautiful girl at his side is his wife of 11 years, and the mother of grandsons #1 & #3.

Jeni and Rod

...turn two families into one

While I enjoy meeting and getting to know each couple I work with, there are some that I know I'll connect with even before we meet face to face. In preparation for getting together with Jeni and Rod several months ago, Rod sent me an email to confirm our lunch meeting; in the email he told me he was attaching a picture so I could recognize him. When I opened the picture attachment, it was a photograph of Brad Pitt. I knew that with a sense of humor like that, we would get along great, and time proved my hunch correct.

Both Jeni and Rod have children from previous marriages and they wanted the three kids involved in the ceremony. Rod's 11 year old son was one of the groomsmen, while the bride's 15 year old daughter was a bridesmaid and her 17 year old son escorted his mom down the aisle and then took his place with the groomsmen. One of the more intense and tender moments of the evening occurred when Josh gave his mother's hand to Rod.

Approximately 150 family and friends looked on as we celebrated the marriage at the Adolphus Hotel. Don't you love this picture of one of the grandmothers? My apologies to Rod and Jeni that I don't know which grandmother it is. The two flower girls, Abby and Grace, also made a hit, tossing flowers not only on the way in, but on the way out as well.

As I have mentioned on more than one occasion The Adolphus Hotel is a wonderful venue for a wedding. Amy Brown and her staff do amazing work with all the details of ceremony, reception, food, etc. As usual, the evening begins with a greeting from Phillip Johnson (at the front door--see my blog entry for Dec 26, 2008), to long time service staffer Augustine (he's been there over 25 years). Each time I'm there I see so many familiar faces wearing their Adolphus name tags--this is a true comfort for me as I know that we are are all in good hands.

Oh, one more thing...if you have any doubts about the great sense of humor that Jeni and Rod possess, take a look at the groom's cake. The old ball & chain. Gotta love it! He accused Jeni of having poor eyesight and questionable taste in men. I think they both have impeccable taste in every way.

My thanks to Hedy Berg for the outstanding photography and the entire Adolphus staff for another great wedding experience.

Blessings,
Ken

Right At Home

...where the heart is

A song lyric written by a friend of mine in Nashville some years ago says, "a heart can never be right any other place, until it's right at home". This lyric came to mind in mid February as I officiated the ceremony of Lindsay and Nathan in their new home in Terrell.

Few things are more sweet, tender or intimate as a home ceremony and this one was no exception. About ten close family members looked on as we celebrated the marriage in front of the fireplace, followed by a champagne toast in the kitchen. You just don't get much more "homey" than that.

Together for over nine years, Nathan and Lindsay chose the Sunday evening after Valentine's Day to be married. Their ceremony included the reading of a poem entitled "These Hands", which was immediately after the ring exchange. The poem begins "these are the hands of your best friend, young and strong and full of love, that hold yours on your wedding day". Watching their faces as I read those words left no doubt in my mind--this couple belongs together.

Thanks, Lindsay and Nathan, for letting me be part of your day.

Blessings,

Ken

I Saw the Sign

...Happy Anniversary Ian and Alyssa

When Ian and Alyssa were first beginning to date, they were cruising around checking out their new town (Columbia, SC) and came across their two last names on a street sign--the intersection of Byrd and Margrave. A replica of that sign served as the backdrop for Ian's proposal to her some months later. I'm glad she said yes.


March 23 is seven years since they tied the knot and lots of things have happened in those seven years, some good, some not so good. They moved to Albuquerque, NM, bought a house, gained friends, and gave birth to Liam who is one of the more amazing and interesting four year olds on the planet. They've also lost two babies, one stillborn and the other to an early miscarriage.

Light and dark. Yin and Yang. Good and bad. We all endure the good times and bad in our marriages, and Ian and Lyss have had plenty of both. They've survived, with some bruises but they've survived and I admire them so much for that. The measure of a Christian is what spills over when they're bumped. My son and daughter-in-law have been bumped plenty, but it's God's love that spills over and shows through.

To see more about Ian, Alyssa, and Liam, follow the link to the right to get to the blog for Liam and the Family Byrd.

Happy Anniversary Ian and Lyss. I love you.

Blessings,
Ken